Learning ASL as a hearing parent of a deaf child

Start where you are

Hearing parents often begin looking into ASL in the first weeks or months after learning their child is deaf. Some feel ready and some feel overwhelmed, and many feel they are already behind. You are not too late, and nobody expects you to know a language you have never had a reason to learn.

Most deaf children are born to hearing parents, so you are far from alone. Many of those parents started with no signs and now sign with their children every day. They got there steadily, with plenty of mistakes along the way.

Your first job is to begin, and to build a home life where your child sees the language used around them, by you and by others.

Signing at home

Parents have less spare time than almost any other learners, so the plan has to fit into days full of meals, bedtimes and appointments.

Learn the signs for your own home first

Leave the zoo animals for later. Learn the signs you will use at breakfast, at bath time and at bedtime: MILK, MORE, FINISHED, SLEEP, BOOK, HURT, LOVE. Sign them every time the moment comes up. Ten signs used every day do more than a hundred learned from a sheet.

Get attention before you sign

Signing only works when it can be seen. Move into your child's line of sight, or tap gently on a shoulder or arm, and wait for eye contact before you sign. Hearing parents often sign while looking away or while the child is looking elsewhere. It is one of the easiest habits to change and one of the most important.

Bring everyone at home along

Invite other children, grandparents and partners in the household to learn too. A child who can talk with only one adult at the table is still left out of most of the conversation. A few signs from everyone change who gets included.

Share stories in sign

Picture books are a gentle way into longer signing. Look at the pictures together, make sure your child is looking at you, and tell the story in your own simple signs. You do not need to sign every word on the page. Children enjoy the same story many times, and each repeat is practice for you as well. As your signing grows, add detail, show different characters by shifting your body, and let your face carry the feeling of the story.

Let the grammar come in gradually

You do not need all of ASL grammar at once. It does help to know early that you are learning a separate language with its own structure, as why ASL is its own language explains.

Meet Deaf adults

Hearing parents often put this step off, but it matters a great deal. Deaf adults can show your child, and your whole family, what growing up Deaf and thriving looks like.

Look for a Deaf teacher for your own classes. Ask local Deaf community centers and schools for deaf children whether they run family classes, or whether they have Deaf mentors who visit families at home. Go to community events, even when you understand very little. Your child benefits from seeing fluent signers laughing, arguing, telling stories and living their lives.

Deaf adults can also tell you what they wish their own parents had known. Listen to that, even when it is hard to hear.

If meeting Deaf adults feels daunting, start with one visit, one class or one short conversation. Families are often warmly welcomed at community events, but it still helps to know the manners of the room. Practicing respectfully at Deaf community events covers them.

Find other families

Other hearing parents who are learning ASL understand your week. They know what it is like to practice signs after a long day and to feel slower than your own child.

1. Family classes. Classes where parents and children learn together, ideally led by a Deaf teacher, give you practice and company at once.
2. Playgroups and signing meetups. Children play while adults sign, and nobody minds mistakes.
3. A small practice circle. Two or three families who meet once a month to sign together. Food and a table are enough.

Be careful with other parents' advice on medical or educational choices. Their experience is real and specific to their child, so take those decisions back to your own professionals.

Families take different paths. Some parents study intensively for a year, and others learn a little at a time over many years. The families who keep going share a habit of signing regularly and keeping Deaf people in their lives.

Keep going when it gets hard

There will be stretches when learning slides: a new baby, a move, an illness, a job change.

Protect one small habit

When life is full, keep one thing going. Sign the bedtime routine every night, even in weeks when nothing else happens. A small habit is easier to restart than a large one.

Expect your child to overtake you

Children with good access to a language often become more fluent than the parents who introduced it. That means the plan is working. Keep learning so you can keep up with the conversations your child wants to have.

Plan the next class early

Gaps between classes are where parents most often lose ground. Choose your next class explains why booking early helps, and the practice week on the same page can be shortened for a busy household.

Five first steps

1. Learn ten signs you will use at home this week, and use them every day.
2. Practice getting your child's attention before you sign.
3. Ask about Deaf-led family classes or Deaf mentor programs near you.
4. Find a community event in the next few weeks and plan to go.
5. Invite everyone at home to learn a few signs alongside you.